Seventy-seven percent of older adults say they would need someone to help walk them through using a new device, but only 18 percent feel confident doing it on their own (AARP, 2025). That gap matters. A parent who's quietly struggling with technology is more likely to miss important communications, fall for scams, or simply stop using tools that could genuinely help them.
The tricky part is that struggling rarely looks dramatic. It shows up in small ways: a call asking for help with something that used to be simple, a device that "just doesn't work right," a growing reluctance to try anything new.
This article covers the eight most common signs, and what you can actually do when you notice them.
Key Takeaways
- 77% of older adults say they need help learning new devices, but most don't ask until a problem becomes serious (AARP, 2025).
- Avoidance, not complaints, is often the first sign of tech struggle. Watch for unused apps, skipped video calls, and devices that stay in drawers.
- Scam vulnerability increases sharply when tech confidence drops. Adults who are unsure how to evaluate emails or links face higher risk.
- Helping doesn't have to mean taking over. The goal is building confidence, not dependence.
1. They Ask the Same Questions Repeatedly
Repeating the same tech questions is one of the earliest and most consistent signs of difficulty. Nearly 60 percent of older adults say they don't believe today's technology was designed with them in mind (AARP, 2025), which means many are learning without the kind of clear, structured guidance that would make things stick.
When a parent asks how to find their photos for the third time, or calls again about attaching a file to an email, it usually isn't forgetfulness. It's that the explanation they received didn't match how they think about the task.
What to watch for:
- The same how-do-I question coming up week after week
- Writing down instructions that they still can't follow later
- Completing a task only when you're on the phone walking them through it
What helps: Don't repeat the same explanation. Try a different approach. Walk through it together in person if you can. Better yet, write out a short step-by-step guide with screenshots or photos of the actual screen they're looking at. Customized, visual instructions work far better than general directions.
2. They've Stopped Using Apps or Features They Once Used
Avoidance is often the first real sign of struggle, and it's easy to miss. When a parent quietly stops using something, they usually don't announce it. The video calls just become regular calls. The email thread goes quiet. The tablet stays on the nightstand charging.
Only 64 percent of older adults feel they have the digital skills needed to fully use the internet (AARP, 2025). When confidence drops, avoidance follows.
What to watch for:
- Video calls replaced by regular calls without explanation
- Photos stopped being shared from their phone
- A streaming service, app, or feature they used to mention has gone quiet
- The tablet or laptop that used to be out is now always put away
What helps: Ask gently. "I noticed we haven't done a video call in a while. Did something stop working?" leaves room for them to explain without feeling embarrassed. Then troubleshoot together. The goal is removing whatever barrier made the thing feel impossible.
What we hear from families: A common pattern is a parent who loved sending photos suddenly going quiet, then later admitting that after one update "nothing looked the same." One small interface change can undo months of built-up confidence.
3. Their Devices Are Running Slowly or Acting Strangely
A device that's slow, full of pop-ups, or behaving unexpectedly is a sign of a technical problem, but it's also a sign that something may have gone wrong while your parent was using it. Around 26 percent of older adults say they usually need help setting up or learning to use new devices (Pew Research Center, 2021), and that difficulty creates opportunities for things to go wrong.
Common causes include accidentally installed software, an inbox full of junk mail slowing things down, or a browser loaded with toolbars added by clicking on something they shouldn't have.
What to watch for:
- A computer that used to be fast now takes a long time to start
- New toolbars, apps, or icons that appeared without being intentionally added
- Pop-up messages appearing frequently, especially ones warning about viruses
- Pages redirecting to unexpected websites
What helps: Check in periodically. Offer to "take a look" without making it feel like an inspection. Basic maintenance, like clearing old files, removing unwanted apps, and updating software, goes a long way. If you're not local, tools like remote screen-sharing software (with your parent's permission) let you help from a distance.
4. They've Been Targeted by a Scam (or Almost Were)
A parent who has been approached by a scam, or who came close to falling for one, is showing a clear signal that their tech confidence and scam awareness need more support. Adults who are less sure of themselves online are more vulnerable: lower digital literacy directly correlates with higher rates of fraud victimization (University of Florida, 2024).
Older adults lost $4.9 billion to fraud in 2024, and a significant portion of those losses began with an email, a pop-up, or an unexpected phone call that the victim wasn't sure how to evaluate (FBI IC3, 2024).
What to watch for:
- Mentions of an "important call" from someone claiming to be from the IRS, Medicare, or a tech company
- A gift card purchased at someone's request over the phone
- An email they forwarded to you asking "does this look real?"
- Unfamiliar charges appearing on bank or credit card statements
What helps: If they came close, don't react with alarm. A calm, non-judgmental conversation matters more than a lecture. Then take concrete steps together: review what happened, make sure accounts are secured, and talk through what real companies and agencies actually do (and don't do). See our guide to common online scams targeting older adults for a detailed breakdown.
5. They Get Anxious or Frustrated When Using Devices
Technology anxiety is real, and it's more common than most families realize. Nearly 59 percent of older adults say they don't feel today's technology was designed for them (AARP, 2025). When you feel like you're always one wrong tap away from breaking something, even routine tasks feel high-stakes.
This anxiety shows up differently in different people. Some become visibly flustered. Others go quiet. Some handle it by handing the device to someone else every time something goes slightly wrong.
What to watch for:
- Visible frustration or distress when something on a device doesn't work as expected
- Saying things like "I hate this thing" or "technology is not for me"
- Handing the phone or tablet over immediately rather than attempting to resolve small issues
- Refusing to try new features or updates at all
What helps: Patience and framing. Emphasize that technology is confusing for everyone sometimes, and that making mistakes doesn't damage anything permanently. Avoid taking over too quickly; let them try first, even if it takes longer. Small wins matter. Successfully doing one thing they previously avoided can shift their whole relationship with a device.
Something worth knowing: Anxiety about technology and embarrassment about not knowing things often prevent older adults from asking for help until a problem becomes significant. Checking in proactively, rather than waiting to be called, catches issues earlier.
6. They Can't Evaluate Whether Information Online Is Reliable
Knowing how to question what they read online is a skill that many older adults weren't taught and haven't had reason to develop. A vast majority of Americans (84 percent) believe adults 65 and older are extremely or very likely to fall victim to online scams (Pew Research Center, 2025). Part of that vulnerability comes from not having a reliable filter for evaluating what's real.
This isn't about intelligence. It's about experience with a specific kind of deception that's become very sophisticated very quickly.
What to watch for:
- Sharing news stories or health claims that don't come from recognizable sources
- Acting on emails, text messages, or social media posts without verifying them
- Clicking links or downloading things without checking whether the source is legitimate
- Believing that official-looking logos or language mean a message is trustworthy
What helps: Build the habit of checking together. When they share something uncertain, ask "where did that come from?" without making it feel like a quiz. Teach them two or three reliable places to check: their bank's official website, an agency's .gov address, a search for the company's real phone number. Keep it simple and repeatable.
7. Important Messages or Updates Are Being Missed
Missed messages, ignored updates, and overlooked notifications are often practical symptoms of tech struggle rather than indifference. When using a device feels effortful, staying on top of the small things, like notification banners or software update prompts, falls away first.
The consequences can be real. Security updates protect against known vulnerabilities. Missed emails from doctors, banks, or family can have practical effects on daily life.
What to watch for:
- Emails going unread for days, especially from important senders
- A phone or computer running an old version of its software
- Messages they should have seen but didn't ("I never got that")
- Notification settings turned off entirely, often after accidentally tapping something
What helps: During visits, make a quiet habit of checking together. Are the updates current? Is the inbox manageable? Is the spam folder catching things it shouldn't? Doing this regularly as a normal part of staying connected, rather than as a problem-solving exercise, makes it feel less pointed.
8. They're Isolated Because of Technology Barriers
Technology is now one of the primary ways people stay socially connected, and when it stops working, isolation can follow. Video calls with grandchildren, messages from friends, community groups online: for many older adults these aren't supplements to social life, they are social life.
Two-thirds of older adults say they see technology as a way to enrich their lives and make daily living easier (AARP, 2025). When something breaks that connection, the effect goes well beyond inconvenience.
What to watch for:
- A parent who used to video call now only calls by voice, citing vague technical problems
- Withdrawal from a group chat or email thread with family or friends
- Mentions of feeling left out of conversations that happen online
- A device that's stopped being used for social connection entirely
What helps: Make the connection part visible. When you set up or fix something, explain it in terms of what it lets them do, not how it works. "This means you can see the kids' faces when they call" is more motivating than any technical explanation. And schedule regular contact. A consistent weekly call matters more than any device upgrade.
How Do You Start the Conversation?
Starting a conversation about tech struggles can feel awkward, especially if your parent is proud or private. The framing matters a lot. Coming in as someone who wants to help is very different from coming in as someone who thinks there's a problem.
A few approaches that work well:
Use yourself as the entry point. "I've been helping a few people set up their phones. Can I take a look at yours next time I'm over?" removes any implication that they've done something wrong.
Make it practical. "I want to make sure you can reach me if you need to" shifts the focus to connection rather than competence.
Go slowly. Cover one thing per visit. Trying to fix or teach everything at once is overwhelming and rarely sticks.
Write things down. A printed reference card for common tasks ("how to start a video call," "how to check email") placed near the device gives them something to use independently. This builds confidence rather than dependence.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if my parent needs professional tech help or if I can handle it myself?
If the issues involve a slow or possibly compromised device, unfamiliar software, or scam recovery, professional support is worth considering. For general guidance, learning help, or building confidence, patient family support works well. When in doubt, a vetted tech advisor can assess the situation in one session. ClearGuide connects families with trusted experts who work at the right pace.
My parent refuses help. What should I do?
Resistance often comes from a fear of looking incompetent or losing independence. Try framing help as something you need: "I'd feel better knowing you could reach me if the phone stopped working." Avoid taking over or criticizing. Start with one small, practical offer and build trust slowly.
Is it normal for older adults to find technology confusing?
Yes. Only 18 percent of older adults feel fully confident learning new devices on their own, meaning the majority find technology genuinely challenging (AARP, 2025). It's not a sign of cognitive decline or unusual difficulty. It reflects how quickly technology changes and how rarely devices are designed with older users in mind.
How do I protect my parent from scams without making them feel watched?
Open, ongoing conversation works better than monitoring. Talk about specific scam types so they know what to look for. Agree on a rule: before sending money or sharing personal information with anyone who contacts them unexpectedly, they'll call you first. That simple agreement prevents most losses. For a full overview of common scams, see what online scams most often target older adults.
What if my parent lives far away and I can't help in person?
Distance makes this harder but not impossible. Remote screen-sharing tools let you see their screen with their permission. Scheduled regular video calls keep you informed. And services like ClearGuide can connect your parent with a vetted local or remote tech advisor who has experience working with older adults.
The Bottom Line
Struggling with technology quietly is far more common than asking for help openly. The signs are usually gradual: avoidance, repeated questions, anxiety, missed messages. None of them mean something is seriously wrong. They mean your parent could use a little more support than they're currently getting.
The best thing you can do is stay curious rather than reactive. Check in regularly. Ask about their devices the same way you'd ask about anything else in their life.
Signs to keep in mind:
- Repeated questions about the same tasks
- Avoidance of apps or features they once used
- Device problems that have gone unresolved
- Scam contact, near-misses, or unusual charges
- Anxiety or frustration when using devices
- Trouble telling real from fake information online
- Missed emails or outdated software
- Social withdrawal connected to technology barriers
If your parent needs one-on-one support from someone patient and knowledgeable, ClearGuide can connect them with a trusted tech advisor who works in clear everyday language, at whatever pace they need.
Learn about the most common online scams targeting older adults